i can dream.

tonight, i thought about when i was 16. i lived as an orphan, even though i had 1 and a half very capable parents available to me. i was lost. i needed to be away from the places they were in. i stayed with someone, who requested that i do so. i was with her and her family for almost a year. i thought of this one time, when i was sad. i assume that i was moping. i had only been divorced for a few months, from a boy disguised as a man. i had been dragged through the dirt, and right to her doorstep. she looks at me and says "nina, are you sad? is that why you slept so late?" mind you it was only about 9:30am. i told her i was sad. she was being sarcastic when she asked me that question, and thought it was funny that i agreed. she rolled her eyes, then asked me when my father was going to come and get me, because i was no good to her if i was going to sleep all day. my father never came to get me, and i knew he wouldn't. he hadn't really bothered being there for me for most of my life. not whining about it, just saying what it is. she told me the only thing on me that was pretty was my face. she told me that i didn't need friends because they would only lead me down the wrong path. she told me that if i talked to a boy that i liked (that wasn't her son, of course) she would kick me out of her house because she didn't need that. whatever 'that' was. she told me that i could tell her things i didn't want to tell my mother. that was funny, there is nothing that i wouldn't tell my mother. even if there were, if she won't know, nobody will. she called me a thief, when i've never been anything of the sort. she said that pennies were missing from her grandchild's piggy bank, and i'm the only one who would have taken them. she told her son a secret i wouldn't have even told my best friend at the time. she ignored me for 3 days because i went out to the movies with my best friend and didn't get back into the house until 8pm. she said that she knew i was hanging out with boys, and that she saw one drop me off at the door. that wasn't true, but she ignored me anyway. everyday i did her job and cleaned her house, and never expected a penny nor hugs. she said i ran up her bills, but i never slept with the lights on. she said i was a burden, when all i spent my days and hours doing was lifting hers. i left a broken home, entered into a house of impending disaster, and walked away from that into mistreatment from the mother of another. i can only care from a distance. even through my forgiveness.