bird call.

i need my own beach. once, just once, i want to feel the sand and ocean up against my butt cheeks. that would rock my invisible socks.

i've never minded being alone. i always thought of it as being more simple than being in and maintaining relationships with others. it's peaceful. company is chaotic. sometimes, it's the most lovely form of chaos you will ever come across. body electric is beautiful. i've been told that living in my own world with no one but myself is selfish and simple. that it is the easy way out. if you ask me, either road that i choose is difficult and devoid of some form of fulfillment of human desire. if a middle path between the two actually exists, i'd say that is where i spend most of my time. i don't like being in the middle. i wish i could find contentment in one or the other. i know that i won't, though. i really feel as if i am just passing through. i wonder sometimes why i even take myself through all of these emotions and processes. i remember that i am being watched, listened to, tested. i remember that i can help others along their path. i remember that we were all put here, together, to be with one another. it wasn't a mistake. i am learning to embrace that, and make the best of it. i have to continuously remind myself to look past what is directly in front of me. i am trying to see the world before i touch it. i need to make myself believe that the places i have never been to actually exist. i need to know if they are more beautiful in my imagination than they are in real life. love is. i plan to keep it that way. my imagination is my companion and translator. it tells me of the world, and tells the world of me.

i have to keep going until i figure out why i am here. i know it is to worship - but there are so many ways of doing that.

i'm going. i have a flight. i'm exhausted. i'm not packed. grrr.