right now.

bismillah

i promise not to complain for at LEAST 2 weeks. this is a big committment. i'm not big on complaining, but lately things have been a bit on the difficult side. i have found myself sighing, huffing, puffing. mumbling obsceneties, almost shouting them at times. rolling and cutting my eyes, allowing the weight to stay on my shoulders instead of letting it roll off. in my opinion, these are all forms of indirect, tacit complaining. it is SO unlike me, so i chose to end it. i need to stay focused on the reason i am here. may Allah guide me, and us all.

love

discipline.

i cant focus on anything
but i don't know what is distracting me
my thoughts maybe

idk
i just can't focus
its annoying me
i forget what day of the week it is
i dont know i have tests until the first few minutes of class
i leave school and dont remember it until i return
im bored at work
so i barely do anything pertaining to it
when i get home the agenda is to devise a plan to get me out of the house
i just always want to leave
without knowing where i want to go

i feel distracted
without knowing what is distracting me
its the strangest feeling
i feel like its something in my subconscience
some massive being, some substantial existence
awaiting its inception
awaiting my attention
without knowing i already feel it coming
and i'm already feeling like it could be consuming
too consuming
i have to stop it before it starts.
its warning me.