dirty love cycle.

you faced the wall in your sleep

holding that pillow the way you use to hold me

the smooth and silent spaces between conversation

that once cradled me to comfort

have become convoluted and coiled

full of anxiety and thorny thoughts

scrambling for fitting words to fill the time before it slips away

we both know that arguments are no good in pieces

i notice that you sit 4 inches further from me on movie night

and that you pass the popcorn only once i can see seeds

what's even worse is that i hate popcorn, and i always have

when i turn away, i'm looking to see

if you still watch me when you stop at red and yellow lights

when you think i'm not looking

if you see me pretending to stare into space

so you can etch my face and know it

dream it when you sleep,

and see it in the spaces between your eyes and eternity as you stare

at the flashing hazard lights meant for warning oncoming traffic

pretending to be cautious to avoid contact

you drive me away

fearful of what you'll find

running from what could have been

before it ever happens