pocahontas

when i was a little girl, and even now on occasion, my dad would call me pocahontas. i remember standing at the top of a hill next to the playground, and watching my khimar blow in my shadow as the sun would shine down on my back. it actually made me feel like pocahontas. remember, in the disney movie, when she stood at that precipice with her chin held high, hair blowing in the wind? my khimar=her hair. interesting. i only thought of that because i am sitting here, trying to get at least half of this 15 page paper done before bed, and playing in my hair. i wonder why people make such a big deal of it. i wonder why we always want what we don't have, then pretend to have it-which brings detriment to what we were already blessed with. try to fake it, rather than preserve. there is beauty in it all. i am learning to apply this notion to everything i am, and everything i have.

anyway, i was thinking. i miss having beautiful people in my life. i feel like i am losing them because of my incessant motion. always going, always gone, always away. you don't see me, you get used to not seeing me, until i don't exist anymore. long distant relationships become harder to maintain. oh well, as long as they pray for me when i die. i guess relationships are just as fleeting as the ground we form them on. if some one is meant to be there, they will be.

i wrote about this before, but you know those moments that you have with people that you don't want to end? the moments that are so much sweeter, because you are acutely aware of the fact that they will soon end. that you and the people whose company you are enjoying have a relationship that will probably deteriorate over time. wear away like compost. biodegradable. it wasn't on purpose, thats just the way it goes. some say. but i believe that it doesn't have to be that way. i believe that even when you aren't neighbors, or classmates, or co workers, or in-laws any longer-there is always going to be something to gain from knowing people in places other than where you are. just traveling different paths to get to the same place. thats how i feel about my distant soulmatefriends. paths treaded: houstatlantavegasegyptlondonmarylandphillytexascalinigerethiopiasomaliaeritrea...destination: Jannah. i am trying to keep in touch. i am beginning to see the importance of that. actually, i began to see that a long time ago.

okay, i'm done for the night. pray for me.