i'm human and it hurts.

i don't want to blog about it, but i think i am gonna do it anyway.

my heart hurts a bit. corners of my lips turned down. neck tense. i care, but ask myself why i even bother. it is never, EVER, okay to behave as if the person you are 'with' is not even there. then to keep so much in, not to say anything. then to walk away without turning back, for no reason at all, and call as if nothing ever happened. how is it that the person who wants to go inside, treats me like an outsider? that shit is retarded. and frustrating. for as long as i allow it to be. is this a test to gauge how much i can take? doubt it, but either way it won't divert my direction.

i can talk about it, let it all out. i always do. but i'm beginning to wonder why i even do THAT. it renders no result, no progress, no change. people just do what they want to do. i guess i am supposed to just chalk that shit up? hah.

my heart is special. i never say it but i know it. my spirit is somewhere else, it only tolerates the places my body takes it to. the things my mind subjects it to. i should let my spirit lead the way, it seems pretty awesome. point is, i need what i can give. nothing tangible. just that thing called being there. feeling something. caring enough to show it. knowing what your eyes are saying to me, because you aren't afraid to look at me. to look into mines. takes strength, like staring into the sun. either you see it, or you go blind trying.

anyway, i think i'm done for now-in more ways than one. just gonna take me and my pouty lips to bed now.