WDYLM

i am beginning to feel as if it is a hopeless hope. an endless search. impossible. to love and be loved. to give and be appreciated. to admire and be admired. to respect and for it to be returned.

i just want to make something labeled as complicated, into something simple. it is simple. it could be, anyway.

i say leave me be, they persist. i say i don't want to talk about it, they keep on asking. i say i want to be alone, my space is invaded. i feel alone, i am left alone. i can't be the only one who gets it. i can't be the only one who sees it. i can't be the only one. but it feels like it.

takers all around. drainers along with them. no support, no concern. its all about what i can do for you. what about what we can do for one another. wahala, smh.

its like, you come across people with these amazing qualities. but the closer you get to them, the less of those qualities that you come into contact with. that makes zero sense. to me, anyway. i thought it should be the other way around. the more i care, the better i treat you. seems simple enough, but who am i to go around making up rules of interaction.

on another note, i was supposed to move today. FAIL. the realty company told us today, when we were scheduled to move TODAY, that we couldn't any longer. that just ruined my entire weekend. its cool, Allah knows best why it happened that way. frustrated about other things, but i can keep it to myself. today is one of those days i need a hug. and for somebody to tell me it will be okay. i don't have any hugs in philly. at least none that are accessible. i'm going to pray dhuhr now. then write 2 papers. then possibly pack. once i get everything done i will feel better. inshaAllah.

okay, i'm done with my mopedy (made up, lol) blog for the week. back to your regularly scheduled programming. smooches.