douli

many of the people that knew him will probably never read this. that is one of the primary reasons i am writing it here. i have purposely avoided posting multiple facebook statuses, notes, blogs, and tweets about him. not that i feel that anything is wrong with that, i just so happen to be the suffer in silence type. i want it to marinate. i want to keep his memory in my mind. fresh. i don't want to get over it, i don't want to feel better. i don't want to get used to him being gone. i want to contain the feeling i feel now, though it hurts and consumes, to remind me to pray for him as much as i can. that is all i can do for him. that is the ONLY thing that will benefit him at this point in our existence.

there is no pain that i or ANYONE can experience in this life, that can be worse that the punishment in the next. none of us are exempt from the possibility of being exposed to that punishment. every time i pray for him, it takes that possibility further and further away from him. i hope the prayers remove it from him completely. the collective prayers. i hope that through the pain, they don't forget that praying for him is the best thing that we can do.

even though he is gone, he still exists. he exists in a place we will all come to , but have not yet reached. he is reliant upon the people he left behind for progression of any sort. reliant upon the reminders he gave, the good he committed. i don't want to hear or talk about ANY of the bad or haraam he may have committed. it isn't funny, and it no longer matters.

i love you as my brother, and pray for you until i am incapable of doing so. Ya Allah, please bless us to die in a pure state of Islam, protect us from the torment of the grave and the fire, comfort the living, forgive the deceased. please help us to remain focused, and hold tight to the fact that we are travelers through a world of games and diversions.

ameen. love.