saturnight, sunday morn.

i miss you sleep. come back to me.

anyway, hey blog. i've been thinking, which is what usually pushes me off of insomnia cliff. i want to be totally honest, and spill my guts. i want to. i don't think i am actually going to do it though. i might just be overly emotional right now. its late at night, im sleepy but not sleeping, im hungry, i want to go to the park and swing for an hour, i wish i was in atlanta with my mom, too much more. i won't be blatant, but i will say this. i want things. important things. i know you think you know what im talking about, but you don't. i feel like those things would make me so much happier, so much more productive, so much more bubbly. i don't want those things like other people have them though. i want them to fit ME. i dont usually see things that belong to other people and say i want that to be mine. i always want my own. my own, personal touch. my mark. my work. commenced with the correct intent. i wonder when, because i know it will. inshaAllah.

sb: i wonder why some people so vehemently avoid being alone. if there is not a person available, they use the television, or the radio, or leave the front door wide open. just to feel as if there is company. i mean, i understand not wanting to be alone ALL the time. thats perfectly normal. but to NEVER want to be alone? wow. i appreciate it, a little too much at times. lol. i enjoy the quiet, the space, the freedom to think, laugh, dance. without being watched by human eyes. without having to listen to the noise of another individuals existence. most of the time. but times like now, i kinda understand that feeling of not wanting to be alone. all the lights on, movie playing, computer poppin. this is my sample of that which i did not understand. but my thing is this, i feel like before you always have a person around, you should spend some time alone. be alone until you cant stand it anymore. learn you. live as you. love you. listen to your thoughts. i mean really listen. and remember them. say them out loud to see if they make sense anywhere but inside of your head. even if they dont, keep them. write them. draw them. photograph them. show your future what you used to be.

k i think im done for now. i will probably be back soon.

love