definition.

yoooo.

i noticed that Mos Def barely includes the titles of his songs in his actual songs. you know how you can find the title of most songs within the chorus or the last verse? not with him, lol. if you listen, you can make the connection quite easily though. but i love that. i do that when i write. the title is barely ever included in the actual entry. for me, the title is usual a piece of the original thought which led me to write in the first place.

you know what else i notice? people seem to be under the impression that i am a lot more popular than i actually am. my friends think i am too busy for them, when i'm probably just at home watching movies. boys think i have some type of little black book hidden somewhere, and that my phone rings off the hook with all of these super awesome guys on the other end begging me to be with them. NOT true, lol. i spend most of my time by myself or with my mother. if there is a line of guys wrapping around the block waiting for me, i sure don't know about it. well, let me stop. men express interest quite often. but because i'm clearly not open to it, i have a rep and the rest just don't even bother. i guess it'll change when i want it to.

now, i know it seems as if i have been avoiding this entry about marriage i said i would do, but i'm not. i just haven't really had a chance to sit here and type. i know this is strange & sudden, at least for me it is, but i think i'm ready. not ready to get married, but ready to be open to the idea of possibly considering a candidate. on the other hand, i don't know if i want to deal with the MIGRAINE that accompanies the consideration. i remember, before i married Ishmail i had given up. i was like i know i'm like, 19 going on 20, but these dudes are seriously retarded, mental ailments, belong on some persons short cheese bus with the tinted windows. i was SO done. married that bol, clearly that didn't work out. i don't have the tolerance for nonsense anymore. the thing with me is, i am not looking for a quick high on this love thing. people get so caught up in the newness, they don't REALLY look for the person they can successfully build a future with. thats what i'm looking for, and i know i haven't found that person yet. i see my mistakes, i learned from them, and i am implementing what i have learned. with what i'm seeing out there, i'm prepared for the long haul, lol. i'm expecting to be singular for a whiiiiile. but you never know. just be sure that i will never be with a man, just because i don't want to be alone. yeah right.

to be continued...

smooch