long sigh.

listening to mos def begging. it's an awesome thing to listen to. melancholy more than it is awesome, to hear the pain and tears and sincerity behind his voice. i love when a man isn't afraid to love who he loves. it gives me hope to know that there are men who openly express, defend, acknowledge, and respect their women. maybe one day it'll happen for me.

so today, i went to this forum at the university of pennsylvania. it was awesome. people were there, it was packed. performers were great, keynote speakers were very intelligent. the space was so small that everything seemed to be magnified. intimate even.

so i leave after maghrib to come home, and on the way i almost cried. i remembered that i said i would try and share my reasons for crying daily, but life is too busy for that. i can share tonights reason because it was so recent, and swept over me like a wave over a still sea shell. how can a person who says they love you, who has shared your space and time, who has gone into you in more ways than one, act as if you don't exist in your presence at ANY point in their existence? wouldn't that be difficult to do if they really meant anything they had said? i swear i felt a layer of ice freeze over my heart. the heat that formerly emanated from my chest has become floating ash and smoke. grope at it if you think you'll be able to save something.

done for now. maybe i'll open up later.