three days deep.

I tried to cry myself to sleep. I'm still awake.

Day three of Ramadan. I'm indubitably in love with this month. When it leaves me, I think i'll suffer as if my lover is being seen off to war. I have to be honest, though. I've been left alone with my thoughts and feelings. I'm sad, and overwhelmingly lonely. I've prayed alone, i've eaten alone, i've made dua'a alone. I see others talking about friends and sisterhood and love. I wish I could borrow some of theirs. I want to pray with people that I care about, and several wonderful strangers. I want to cry comfortably, and for my heart to swell from happiness. I want not to feel so damaged. I haven't been able to shake this stabbing, throbbing loneliness ever since... Ya Allah, heal me and help me. Increase me in Imaan and nur and knowledge. Protect me from hypocrisy and apostacy and blasphemy. Save my family and myself from the fire. May our fasts be accepted and our sins pardoned. Ameen.

But, listen - I still feel like my life has been tossed and turned downward. I'm still hurting. It still stings like yesterday. Nothing can help besides my Lord allowing me to heal. I battle with this every single day. It makes my limbs tired and achy. My spirit has been battered. Pray for me, please.